Robert Cielakie 

Prof. Millard 

English 110 

15 September 2021

Social Media; A Blessing or Curse?

The impact of social media is and will continue to grow as a larger part of society as time goes on with information and data increasing day by day. With this increase of data more and more Americans are relying on social media for news, as research from Pew Research Center, conducted from August 31 through September 7, 2020, shows that, “About half of U.S. adults (53%) say they get news from social media ‘often’ or ‘sometimes,’ (Site Pew Research Center). But many ask if social media’s large role in society is beneficial or harmful. Through Maria Konnikov’s, “The Limits of Friendship” and Adrian Chen’s, “Unfollow,” I believe that although social media can be damaging to our relationships compared to in-person interactions,  social media is more beneficial for society due to allowing for ethnically and culturally different people to come together.   

Maria Konnikova’s, “The Limits of Friendship,” scrutinizes the effect of social media on our relationships with others. Konnikov begins her essay by stating the amount of acquaintances, casual friends, close friends, and intimate friends someone usually has. The amount of people slowly decreases down until one arrives at their support group which is normally no more than five people. She goes on to relate this to the hundreds or even thousands of friends we can acquire across social media platforms and how we cannot maintain true connections with everyone. Konnikov goes further by saying that it is not possible to obtain true friendships through social media due to “the things that keeps face-to-face friendships strong is the nature of shared experience: you laugh together; you dance together”(Konnikova, Maria. “The Limits of Friendship.” (The New Yorker, 7 Oct. 2014, www.newyorker.com/science/maria-konnikova/social-media-affect-math-dunbar-number-friendships.) which Maria goes on to say that there is nothing on social media that can compare. I agree that nothing can truly compare and the moment may not feel as intimate but you can certainly have joyous moments with your friends online that come extremely close to the in-person interaction. This essay was written in 2014, a time when a worldwide pandemic seemed impossible. Through the isolation of quarantine, a new light was shined upon social media; it was no longer seen as a place to divide our society but as one to come together in a time when we literally could not. Though it was deeply saddening to not see many of our loved ones and friends, social media and online platforms allowed for us to stay connected and to further our relationships. Many people used the break in their busy lives to reach out to people they didn’t have time to connect with before.  Konnikova states throughout her essay that online connections do not allow for real connections, and though I do believe that in-person interaction is ideal for creating and maintaining real connections, this can be done online through social media and other online sources. Personally I have gone through with only using social media to communicate with friends during the pandemic and through social media we were still all able to maintain those friendships. Without social media I may have lost close friends due to a lack of feeling together without social media. I am a very outgoing person and I love being around people, but during quarantine I struggled with the separation from others. Luckily we live in time with social media and I was still able to have those interactions. Though these interactions were not the same as before, they got me through difficult times of feeling alone. Ultimately the connections made through social media and other online platforms have allowed for true friendships to come to light. In many cases social media has allowed for others to forward themselves and learn how to love others for their differences, such as in the case of Megan Phelps-Roper. 

Megan Phelps-Roper, the subject of Adrian Chen’s article “Unfollow,” went through an enormous change mentally and emotionally due to the use of social media. Phelps-Roper first started using social media as a representative for her church, Westboro Baptist Church, in the summer of 2009. At the time Megan Phelps-Roper was a devout follower of the congregation, which was all she had ever known, meaning that all of her ideologies came from the church and those involved in its community. This was until she joined Twitter and began to receive feedback from others outside of her community who strongly disagreed with the message she had been pushing. Though she was receiving thousands of responses in retaliation she refused to quit as she believed that the only way to dissolve homoselxuality was to fight the increasing tolerance of it. While continuing to argue with those online, David Abitbol, founder of the very well known Jewlicious Blog, began to have a conversation via Twitter with Phelps-Roper. Their conversations started as Roper attempting to push on her ideologies onto Abitbol and instead of responding in an argumentative fashion, he decided to respond in the kindest manner possible while still defending his beliefs. This method confused Roper and slowly over time their friendship grew. Phelps-Roper still pushed her agenda but instead of insults she would act more as an older sister just hoping the best for her sibling emailing Abitbol, “I just wish you would obey God” (Chen, Adrian, et al. “Conversion via Twitter.” The New Yorker, 16 Nov. 2015, www.newyorker.com/magazine/2015/11/23/conversion-via-twitter-westboro-baptist-church-megan-phelps-roper.), showing that even though he was a Jew, one of the peoples she was taught to hate, she began to have an increased friendship with David. What started as an argument fueled by hatred, turned into a friendship that still remains to this day.  Though it was not immediate, through social media Megan Phelps-Roper, for the first time, looked at life through a different lens, different from the only view she had ever known. This truly is an amazing feat. All Phelps-Roper had ever known was the hatred of LGBT and Jewish people and for her to learn to love all people through social media is truly inspiring. Phelps-Roper is a prime example that no matter how deeply rooted certain beliefs or ideologies are in someone, they still can change. Megan Phelps-Roper is an inspiration to the world that not only social media can be extremely important but also that people can learn to love after only knowing hate. 

Maria Konnikova’s “The Limits of Friendship” and Adrian Chen’s “Unfollow” give two different viewpoints on the impact of social media to society. “The Limits of Friendship” views social media as a source of disconnect compared to in-person interactions while “Unfollow” shows that social media can not only bring people together but also allow us to see views of others that we may not have previously seen. Social media allows for people of different backgrounds and regions of the world to share their views and observe different ideologies. In-turn this allows us to grow as individuals. As we begin to further understand others’ views we become more empathetic, which is the first step towards bettering the world around us.

Robert Cielakie 

Prof. Millard 

ENG 110

25 October 2021 

Empathy: Simple and Needed

We often see the world as if it is centered around us. We forget that other people also have bad days and many times we forget to think of others’ feelings. Empathy is the action of understanding the feelings and experience of another without having gone through the same feeling or experience. In simple terms empathy is putting yourself into someone else’s shoes, and putting forth an effort to see the world through their perspective. In “This is Water” by David Foster Wallace, a commencement speech to the graduating class at Kenyon College, Wallace speaks about turning off our “default settings”. Wallace states that there is only one Truth with a capital T, that you decide how you see life and how you put meaning to your experiences. In “Empathy Diaries” by Sherry Turkle, Turkle discusses the significance of Conversation in developing “the Empathetic arts”. Turkle argues that when we stop giving ourselves the proper attention, our ability to empathize with others suffer. Through David Foster Wallace’s, “This is Water”, and Sherry Turkle’s, “The Empathy Diaries”, empathy is shown by the way we think through our everyday interactions and conversations, leading to the world being a much more loving and accepting place.   

Empathy is not some type of grand act of kindness, but in reality are small, simple acts. These small, simple acts often are a simple conversation, the type of conversation “in which we allow ourselves to be fully present and vulnerable.”(Sherry Turkle 379) Through these conversations, “empathy and intimacy flourish”(Sherry Turkle 379) allowing ourselves to make genuine and empathic connections with others. Though allowing ourselves to be present and vulnerable may seem difficult, it is as easy as just being yourself. Being yourself allows for others to get to know you and share their feelings. In my past experiences one of the best ways to become a more empathetic person is by not changing your personality no matter the crowd. Being myself made me vulnerable but allowed me to take in what others feel and understand their point of view as they were able to understand mine. 

Another way we can  become a more empathetic person is how we see the world around us. How we see the world around us, “has almost nothing to do with knowledge, and everything to do with simple awareness; awareness of what is so real and essential.”(Wallace 5) Wallace explains a scenario in which in the future the graduates he is speaking to will work a full days shift and have to go to the grocery store and he lists every reason we would get mad at the world around us. Like the annoying traffic, the crowded store, or the way the cashier says have a good day when the day is basically over. But Wallace also says that maybe instead of thinking in this negative way, we think that the annoying traffic is also just everyone else trying to get home after a long day of work. The store is crowded due to others trying to feed their families. That the cashier is just truly trying to hope for you to have a great rest of your day. This simple way of empathizing with the world around us can truly change how we see the world. I try to live everyday with the attitude that no matter how bad your day is or how bad some things seem to be going, there is always someone who’s going through something worse. Both Turkle and Wallace show that empathy can be small acts that we choose to go through with every day. These small acts of empathizing with others around us and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable to one another in our conversations, allow for a deeper connection with those in our lives. These acts develop our empathy further and positively affect the world.  

Yet, some readers will challenge Turkel and Wallace’s thoughts on empathy by insisting that empathy can actually cloud judgement. How and when we use empathy can sometimes hurt relationships due to our prejudice and inclination to empathize more or less with a certain person or persons. But this can be disproven through the way one thinks of the world around him or herself. Now it is not simple to just flip how you think because, “It is unimaginably hard to do this, to stay conscious and alive in the adult world day in and day out”(Wallace 6), but it is not impossible. Empathy allows us to connect to others through feelings that we do not inherently have, and through a mindset of awareness of the world around us and a vulnerable attitude towards others we open up the possibility to use empathy to increase our judgement.  Shown through Adrien Chen’s “Unfollow” Megan Phelps-Roper was shown empathy from people who she had learned to hate. The empathy shown by these people slowly grew on Roper who now is a strong activist for the groups she formally hated. In listening to others’ feelings and ideas, we begin to have a wider range of knowledge of how others think. Combining this with seeing the world through a more positive and empathetic way, it allows us to make decisions in our everyday lives that better those around us as well as ourselves. Through this we become more aware of our surroundings, not clouding our judgement.  

David Foster Wallace and Sherry Turkle give us two views on empathy that differ in how to perform empathy, while showing the same end result, the importance of empathy. Through Wallace’s speech and Turkle’s writing, the reader and listener are shown that empathy does not entail giant acts of kindness but instead is shown through the conversations we have with one another and how we view the world around us. But why is empathy so important? Why does it matter if we listen to others and how they feel? Empathy is important because through empathy we become more knowledgeable, we understand how others are feeling so we know how to properly respond to a certain situation, and ultimately and most importantly, empathy can bring people together no matter their differences. Empathy is important because empathy proves that no matter our differences we can always come together, whether we have shared experiences, or none at all.   

Robert Cielakie  

Prof. Millard 

ENG 110 H8

13 November 2021

Identity: Many Different Shapes and Sizes 

Identity is extremely complex. We all have unique identities that are shaped by those around us, including our family and friends, our culture, socioeconomic status, our passions, and almost anything else. Our identity is what sets us apart from each other and we decide what our identity is. Roxane Gay states that her identity is a “bad feminist” through the way she does not always agree or follow through with feminist actions, such as letting her boyfriend take out the garbage. While Micheal Chabon accounts for his son’s journey of finding his own identity through the world of fashion. Through both “Bad Feminist” by Roxane Gay and “My Son the Fashion Prince” by Michael Chabon, we learn that identity is being ourselves, regardless of stereotypes, no matter if that is through your passion in the case of Chabon, or through our ideologies an beliefs in the case of Gay. 

Abe Chabon, Chabon’s son, is different from the rest of his class, and he loves it. Abe does not think of himself as just being different but instead being who he is. While the other boys in his class were wearing normal clothes you would associate with thirteen year-old boys, Abe would meticulously plan out his outfit a day prior, “ [Abe] would lay out its components, making 

a kind of flat self-portrait on the bedroom floor.” (Chabon 65)   and would shock everyone by his unique fashion sense. But the most shocked was Abe’s father Michael. Michaeeal truly did not understand why his son was like this and would, “try to understand what the kid got out of dressing like a pint size Ronald Colman out for a tramp across the countryside of Ruritania ” (Chabon 65). What Michaeeal would soon realize is that Abe was not doing this for no reason, but this is who he was;, this was his way of expressing his identity. Michaeeal did not realize this until he observed his son at the Paris Fashion Week, where Abe was surrounded by others who understood his use of fashion to share his identity. Though Abe was the youngest in attendance to every show, he did not stand out as the kid who dressed weird, but as the kid who expresses his identity through what he wears and Chabon finally understood his son. He realized that this was who Abe is, and Chabon states that this is so important. Though the way we express our identities may be different, it is so important to understand one another.  

Roxane Gay is a feminist but she is not like other feminist;, she believes that she is a “bad feminist.” She believes this because she does not always follow feminist rules, but I believe this makes her a better feminist. Feminists are people and we as people are not perfect, and it is our imperfectionness that allows us to be different. We all have different strengths and weaknesses and this allows us to be unique, In Gay’s case, this allows her to be a feminist but also be herself. She explains her views in each part of her essay. Gay explains that she is a “bad feminist” due to her lack of knowledge or “ignorance” of certain activities that are generally seen as more masculine. She states that she “knows nothing about cars”, “still call my father with questions about cars”, and that she is “not interested in changing any of my car-related ignorance”(Gay 167). She believes that good feminist are so “independent” that they would figure out these problems on their own, especially not ask for help from men. But this does not make her less of a feminist. In my opinion we are supposed to help one another, and though she feels like feminists have to be extremely independent and not ask for help, I think that is wrong. Asking for help in subjects we know nothing about is what makes us human. Using her definition of what a feminist is, Gay is not a “bad feminist” but a great one who is a feminist while also being herself.

Both Chabon’s and Gay’s writings share experiences of identity through being yourself. Chabon is initially confused as he does not understand his son and questions to himself, how can Abe be so “different from his siblings, from classmates, from most children who have ever lived.”(Chabon 65). What Chabon slowly realizes is that his son was just being himself and expressing his identity through his clothes. His unique fashion sense allowed for him to stand out and when the pair went to the Paris Fashion Week, Abe was surrounded by others who fully understood him. Abe no longer stood out, but fit in. This proved to Chabon that this is who his son is. He learned to understand his son’s identity despite being different, because that is who Abe is. From my personal experiences, understanding others’ identities, especially when their identity is very different from yours, can be very difficult. But as I have seen and through Chabon’s story I know the importance of seeing each other for who we are. When we are able to recognize others’ identities  allow for opportunities to connect with those around us. Chabon’s story about his son’s unique identity is extremely similar to Roxane Gay, who recongnizes herself as a feminist but a “bad feminist.” I believe that her slightly different beliefs give her a uniqueness that is her identity. She is not just a feminist but an outspoken honest women who can acknowledge her differences as seen through her definition of a feminist, as “a woman who doesn’t want to be treated like shit.” (Gay 168). Her definition is not a long Gay’s identity is not filed under just a “feminist” and this allows her to be herself. Abe and Gay have unique identities and though Abe’s is through his fashion and Gay’s is through her beliefs, both show that identity is not only unique to each person. It is who we are. 

Some people may disagree however. Some think that identity is not who we are and is not what we choose to be, but is actually determined by those around us. They believe that others give us our identity but this is far from the truth. Though others may have different views on who we are, they cannot change what makes you the person you are today. They cannot change your experiences, passions, and beliefs which have molded your identity. Your identity will always be who you are, not what other people expect or think of you. Though your identity might change due to you having a change of heart over an experience, passion, belief, etc, your identity will always be determined by you, and who you are, never by others no matter how they view you. This is what makes each and every one of us unique.  

Identity is unique to everyone. My identity is not the same as someone else’s despite our similarities or differences. The same is said for your identity. Through Chabon’s and Gay’s works we see as Abe and Roxane find themselves in very similar situations as both feel different than those around them. Abe feels different but does not care as he realizes that others’ views on him cannot change the fashion-loving, young boy he is. Gay feels differently because she believes that she is a bad feminist but her slightly varying views only add to her identity,  not degrade it. Both works show that our identity is not only what we choose it to be as well as who we are. Our identity is changing every day as we grow as people. This is only done by us. No  one can change your identity because it is your identity not theirs. Our different identities make us special and are what makes the world so amazing. Your identity is who you are. Your identity is what makes you special.